Monday: New York Times reporter Jennifer 8. Lee is something of a cultural oracle. (She coined the phrase "Man Date," but I forgive her.) With her latest book "The Fortune Cookie Chronicles," she sets her searching mind to a tasty subject: Chinese food. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Chinese food, from the inventor of chop suey to the identity of General Tso, is at the center of this "Cookie."

The alphanumerical author speaks at Elliott Bay Book Co. tonight. And I probably don't need to tell you that most of the city's best Chinese restaurants are in the International District -- well within walking distance of the bookstore. You could make this one a two-course meal.

Tuesday: Every single year I think to myself, "This will be the year that I go to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival." Then I get distracted and I don't manage to blah blah blah... Ugh. Look, I won't lie to you any more: I've never once seriously considered going to the Tulip Festival. Sure, I like looking at flowers, and tulips are particularly lovely, but who in the hell wants to drive 61 miles to Mount Vernon to look at friggin' flowers?

Boy, that sure felt good to say. I feel like a tremendous weight has been taken from my shoulders. Now that I'm no longer burdened with that terrible secret, I kinda feel like 61 miles isn't too far at all. And is there anything more lovely than seemingly boundless fields of tulips? I can't think of a gosh-darned thing. Now that I've given this a good think, I believe that this will be the year that I go to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. Far as you know.

Wednesday: The Moisture Festival continues this week. This variety showcase, featuring the Northwest's top jugglers, acrobats, dancers, magicians, musicians, comedians, puppeteers, trapeze artists and burlesque performers, has become so fatty-packed with great performers that it now takes two venues -- ACT Theatre and Hale's Ales Palladium -- to contain its mad genius. Baby Gramps, Circus Contraption, Jason Webley, Duo Madrona, Professor Humbug's Flea Circus and Artis the Spoonman are just a few of the stars you'll see in this ever-expanding universe of talent. Parents be advised: The early shows are family-friendly, the late-night shows less so.

Thursday: I could resort to a whole lot of wink-wink nudge-nudge crap in encouraging you to attend "Sake," a group show of erotic fine art at the Mnemonic Gallery. Truth be known, my first pass at this blurb was exactly that: "It's not suitable for children, unless you're looking for inspiration in making them."

It deserves better. The three-dozen-plus artists who will be showing their work tonight -- a formidable body of creative souls, many of whom make regular appearances at the Seattle Erotic Art Festival -- deserve better than puerile jokes and innuendo. Our erotic art community is an all-too-rare open flame under the Seattle Freeze; its work is challenging, honest, beautiful, discomfiting -- and, in the final analysis, it's sexy as all hell.

Hands of Kali, Weapons of Marching Destruction, DJ Eternal Darkness and many others are scheduled to perform, and proceeds from the event will benefit SEAF and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. These things are reason enough for you to attend, but really, you should go for the dirty pictures. They're absolutely top-shelf.

Friday: Wikipedia can be funny sometimes. The entry for Austin, Texas, electro-pop band Ghostland Observatory describes them as "difficult to classify," but its actually pretty easy to do so: Start with Hall & Oates, mix their genes with those of the Mael brothers from Sparks, have the robots from Daft Punk replace their vital organs with android-y bits and make them watch Liberace and Gary Numan videos until they understand, part and parcel, what it is that makes a performer a performer. (Plus, I think they can shoot laser-light shows from their eyeballs.) The band plays songs from its new record tonight and tomorrow at the MarketBox.

Saturday: Martin Scorsese gives the "Last Waltz" treatment to the Rolling Stones with "Shine a Light," a documentary of the band's 2006 shows at New York's Beacon Theater. The shows were kind of a big deal -- a stadium-sized behemoth squeezing into a small (for them) venue, plus the Clintons looking on from the crowd -- and Scorsese treats them with all the reverence due a band that pretty much has an entire corner of rock legend all to itself. Plus, you get to see Scorsese freak out -- always a plus.

Sunday: I Heart Rummage lives! Like so many good things, the hipster craft and clothing market was left hanging by the untimely closing of Crocodile Cafe, but it has found a new home at Chop Suey. Some 40 designers will present their handmade wares, a DJ will spin tunes to shop by and even the tulips will stand taller knowing that a cultural institution has been spared.

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