You're kidding, right? There are hundreds -- hundreds! -- of amazing happy hour deals to be found in the greater Seattle metropolitan area. You really think I could narrow that down to five?

As I did with my recent "five best par patios" piece, I have lured you here with the hope that you'll tell me all about your favorite happy hours. I apologize for the subterfuge, but these are desperate times in the lifestyle journalism biz.

Hell, it's desperation time clear across the board. The cost of your basic fuels is entirely too high right now. Five bucks for a beer? Ten bucks for a martini? That cat won't fight, mon frere. There's always a way for the working class to get its drink on without dipping into the 401k, and these five kick-ass bars are helping to lead the charge.

Bandits Bar. This lower Queen Anne joint ain't a fancy looker -- a few tables and chairs, some cowboy contraband on the walls -- but what it lacks in ambience, it more than compensates for with a daily 4 to 7 p.m. happy hour featuring $3 bottled and draft beers, wine and well drinks, and $3 De La Luz tamales available in your choice of chicken, pork or vegetarian. The place is unpretentious down to its core, and those tamales are worth moving heaven and earth to procure.

Moe Bar. The Neumo's adjunct (wasn't that a Robert Ludlum novel?) rocks a 3 to 8 p.m. daily happy hour that's made it the first stop of many a Capitol Hill bar crawl. With its $2 wells, $2 beers (Manny's Pale Ale, Redhook IPA, Peroni, Blue Moon, Mac & Jack's and Miller) and $2 discount on specialty drinks, Moe's happy hour is almost two good! Oh, no, I shouldn't ought to have done that.

Georgetown Liquor Company. From 4 to 7 p.m. weekdays, the GLC pours $2.50 wells, $3 microbrews, $1.50 pints of Pabst Blue Ribbon and $4 import beers, and their appetizers are a dollar off. The reason you should cab to South Seattle tonight, however, is for the GLC's Atari 2600 and Nintendo consoles. I will repeat that. They've got an Atari 2600 that you could be playing for free while you drink. And you're still here, reading this. I don't get you.

Mission. West Seattle residents have a more international taste than the rest of us plebes. Their shoes are Italian, their sheets Egyptian cotton, they French-kiss ... and when happy hour rolls around, they wisely go Mexican at Mission. Every day, from 5 to 7 p.m. and again 10 p.m. to midnight, Mission sets up $3 cocktails, $5 regular margaritas, $6 Cadillac or bartender margaritas, and selected draft beers for $2.50. Their late-night food especiales include $5 nachos, quesadillas and a taco plate.

Conor Byrne Pub. Every day from 4 to 7 p.m., this Ballard institution reaffirms our love of the neighborhood formerly known as Our Little Secret. With its $2.50 microbrews, $4 Guinness, $1.50 Rainiers, $1.50 PBR tallboys, $3.50 imported beers, $1 discount on hard booze and half-price food items, Conor Byrne gives us the strength we need to push through the tide of yups pouring from the Matador with a smile on our face and an old Viking drinking song in our heart.

Bonus pick: The Whisky Bar. This fine Belltown establishment doesn't have a happy hour as such, but their regular drink specials are so freaking amazing that limiting them to a handful of hours daily would probably bring about the end of civilization. I sleep soundly at night in the knowledge that the Whisky will serve you $1 Miller High Life any time. That they'll pour you a $2.50 Jim Beam or Absolut all day Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. And that their 1-2-3 program -- $1 PBR, $2 wells and $3 martinis -- is firmly in place, keeping Seattle safe and free from noon to 9 p.m. daily. It's a beautiful thing.

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