I hate festival shows. Hate 'em hate 'em hate 'em. I hate the crowds, I hate the crappy sound mix, I hate the myriad inconveniences and I hate the crowds. I know I said "crowds" twice but I really hate the crowds. Individual persons? Wonderful. Mobs of stinky, slow-moving people? To hell with 'em.

And yet I attend them. Why? Because I love music, and the only thing better than enjoying some live music is getting all the live music you could ever want, concentrated in one semi-pastoral spot. I'll just have to suck up my enochlophobia and meet you at:

Sasquatch! Music Festival, May 24-26

Scheduled to appear: R.E.M., Modest Mouse, The Cure, Blue Scholars, M.I.A., Death Cab For Cutie, The Mars Volta, New Pornographers, Tegan & Sara, The Flaming Lips UFO Show, The Breeders, Ozomatli, Crudo (with Mike Patton and Dan The Automator), Dengue Fever, Throw Me The Statue, Battles, Kathleen Edwards, Michael Ian Black and more.

What began as a Coachella also-ran comes into its own this year. This is a dynamite assortment of bands, comics and performers both local and national, and I'd gladly attend were it not for the realization that spending three days at the Gorge with a bunch of stoned, sweaty kids would very likely cause me to break out in hives. Three days of Honey Buckets! Yeah, have fun with that.

Georgetown Music Fest, June 13 and 14

Scheduled to appear: No lineup announced at press time.

Now in its third year, this is kind of the unofficial farm-league show to Sasquatch; some of the Northwest's brightest up-and-comers have played in the long (and now partially decimated) shadow of the Rainer Brewery. The Divorce, Idiot Pilot, Earlimart, Bre Loughlin and KeyNoteSpeaker are just a few of the artists who have passed this way, and this year's GMF will no doubt boast the same leval of quality once they announce the damned thing. You've got less than two months before soundcheck, Georgetown; you'd better get crackin'.

SP20 Festival, July 12 and 13

Scheduled to appear: Beachwood Sparks, Comets on Fire, Fleet Foxes, Flight of the Conchords, The Fluid, Foals, Grand Archives, Green River, Patton Oswalt, The Helio Sequence, Eugene Mirman, Iron & Wine, Kinski, Low, Mudhoney, No Age, Pissed Jeans, Red Red Meat, The Ruby Suns, Seaweed, Wolf Parade, Todd Barry and more.

Happy 20th birthday, Sub Pop! Your festival is very different than Sasquatch, in that I'm actually likely to attend it. The lineup looks solid, and it's just down the road in Marymoor Park. When I've had enough of the festival crowd, I can go home or explore all the smokin'-hot party action that Redmond has to offer. Seriously, why Redmond?

Capitol Hill Block Party, July 25 and 26

Scheduled to appear: Vampire Weekend, Les Savy Fav, Kimya Dawson, Girl Talk, USE, Chromeo, The Hold Steady, The Dodos, Darker My Love, Jay Reatard, Akimbo, Velella Velella, Pwrfl Power, Past Lives, Black Eyes And Neckties, Champagne Champagne, The Builders & The Butcher, The Hands, The Physics, Man Plus and more.

A bus carrying the characters from "Juno" travels east on Pine and accidentally collides with a bus heading north on Broadway that's conveying the real-life hopes and dreams of collegiate America. Sardonic bon mots are exchanged, but only at first; they are soon followed by understanding, acceptance and an outpouring of stale keg beer. Somebody picks up a guitar and begins to sing.

Pickathon, August 1-8

Scheduled to appear: The Avett Brothers, Jolie Holland, Wayne "The Train" Hancock, Cave Singers, Dale Watson, Jason Webley, Erin Mckeown, Handsome Family, Flat Mtn. Girls, The Gourds, Kelly Joe Phelps, Bad Livers, Melissa Ferrick, Bombadil, Jessica Lea Mayfield and more.

You'll have to endure the dull, traffic-choked slog of I-5 to reach this promised land, but it's well worth it. Held over three days on Pendarvis Farm just outside of Portland, Pickathon embodies the very best that festival shows have to offer: three days of peace and music. This is the best night you've ever had at the Tractor, blown up to gargantuan scale and spread liberally over some mighty fine-looking countryside.

Crüe Fest, August 8

Scheduled to appear: Mötley Crüe, Buckcherry, Papa Roach, Sixx:A.M. and Trapt.

It's not really a festival, is it? One day, five bands? LiveNation says it's a festival, though, and seeing as I'm trying to sell the part of my brain that generates music criticism to LiveNation for a yet-to-be-named sum, I have no problem listing it here in big-boy town.

Bumbershoot, August 30-September 1

Scheduled to appear: Beck, Stone Temple Pilots, Lucinda Williams, Neko Case, Ingrid Michaelson, Del Tha Funky Homosapien, Jakob Dylan, !!!, Lee "Scratch" Perry, Saul Williams, Joe Bonamassa, M. Ward, Asylum St. Spankers, Bedouin Soundclash, Tim Finn, Dale Watson, John Vanderslice, Arthur & Yu, Dan Clowes, William Gibson and more.

The lineup looks kind of vintage. It looks reaaallllly vintage, actually. (First comment on the Bumbershoot 2008 discussion board: "Smells a little like 1997 in here, but who the hell cares.") Still, it's B-shoot and if past years have taught us anything, it's this: One Reel Productions has a gift for pulling amazing performers out of its hat at the last minute. Plus, the short film festival and Flatstock poster show are always worthwhile, Neko Case is a freaking goddess, and no matter how much you bitch about the lineup, you're going anyway. And so will I.

Copyright © 2008 The Seattle Times Company