I'm not recommending any of the following shows.

Wait, let me amend that: I would have recommended Steely Dan if the band were apperaing in a theater or club. About 10 years back I saw Mssrs. Becker and Fagan playing their Deacon Blues to a 1,500-capacity room, and they freakin' killed. They played all their radio hits -- "Reelin' in the Years," "Josie," "FM" -- with style and brio, and their post-1990 reunion material was just as good as the old stuff. Their riffs are still memorable, and their lyrics still cut close to the bone. No static at all.

But $135 for a midweek outdoor show? Lovely though Chateau Ste. Michelle is, I can't see laying down that kind of dough for Steely Dan without the intimacy a club setting provides. Outdoor jazz should always cost less than 20 bucks. Indoor jazz can cost whatever the market will bear, because that's where jazz is supposed to be made. You want outdoor improvisation? Join a drum circle.

Hang on, I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, that's right: There are a few shows coming to town that embody the 1970s in all their eight-track, leather-upholstered glory. I already bent your ear about Steely Dan, but did you know that Boston and Styx are coming to Marymoor? Together? In the 1970s, such a bill would have been equivalent to Jesus sharing the stage with Godzilla. The country would have shut down for a day to line up at Ticketmaster.

I would have recommended this show 30 years ago, when "Mr. Roboto" was but a delirious fever-dream in the mind of Dennis DeYoung, but today? Can't do it. Styx has just two of its original members; Boston, only one. Much as I think I'd enjoy watching Tommy Shaw and Tom Scholz crank out meedley-meedley-meeeeee guitar solos, at a certain point homage crosses a line into fraud.

Lastly is the Rock Girl Gala, happening at the Tacoma Dome's fashionable West End on June 4. While the lineup of bands isn't very Me Decade at all (Candlebox and Chevelle are the headliners), the "gala" portion of the show -- "the finale of a two-month search for the most beautiful girls in the Northwest" -- is 1970s to its core.

I know, right? Nothing says 1978 like putting a group of young women on stage in front of a liquored-up festival rock crowd. Maybe they'll be arranged, Coverdale-style, on the hoods of cars. In any case, I'm sure the girls won't be objectified at all, and no one would dream of yelling "show your (breasts)." That would be unseemly.

So, yeah, these shows aren't my bag. But I freely admit that I'm old enough to remember the 1970s and have no particular interest in returning to them. We did it; we're done. Besides, not a one of these shows features Rush.

Copyright © 2008 The Seattle Times Company