There is a song. I fear it. Every year at this time it gets into my head and repeats ad infinitum. I hear it in shopping centers and in public spaces, and even children - won't somebody please think of the children? - know the words to this insidious melody backward and forward.
No, it's not "Milkshake," though that's a good guess. It's "The Twelve Days of Christmas," and it is pure evil. The only way I can get it out of my head is by using it for my holiday gift list, and since my shrink has advised me to seek human interactions, I am compelled to share that musical list with you now. Take a deep breath and sing it with me.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a Holga from OKOK Gallery [0]. The Holga [1], a cheap plastic camera that shoots medium-format film, is not a precision instrument; you could shoot the same photo with a hundred different Holgas and not get any two shots that resemble one another. You can, however, always expect images shot with a Holga to be blurry (but in a cool, arty way), color-saturated and dreamlike. The Holga set sold at OKOK comes with film, a roll of masking tape (for light leaks), a how-to book and the camera, and while the set may seem pricy at $85, remember that the camera itself is a work of industrial art.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a pair of impossibly long tube socks from The Sneakery [1]. I haven't tried these on yet and I probably won't; they look like they'd come up to mid-thigh on me, and I strongly suspect my true love bought these for herself and gave them to me by mistake. (Either that, or I've some hip boots coming.) I'd have been happy with anything else from the Sneakery, especially a pair of sneaks from the shop's funky Converse stock.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me the "Anniversary Collection" from Beecher's Handmade Cheese [1]. It's a gift basket [2] filled with nearly two pounds of artisan cheese and crackers, made by people who love cheese and crackers more than life itself.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me some sideshow freaks from Archie McPhee [2]. (Ooh, that rhymes. Kinda.) McPhee has been hit-and-miss in recent years - for every set of "Corporate Zombies," there's been a set of "Parasite Pals" - but I ask you: Who doesn't want his very own Bearded Lady [3]? His own Lobster Boy and Frog Girl [4]? No one of my acquaintance, I assure you. I also like the B-Movie Victims set [5]; even now, they're cowering from my two cats. The horror! The horror!
Day Five: Speaking of the cats, Iggy and Neko are gonna lose their fuzzy little minds over Everyday Studio's arty cat tree [6], available locally at Urban Beast [6]. These metal-framed scratching posts have a unique shape - they look similar to "Tetris" pieces - and will look smart on the wall of your modernist living room. You may even consider getting one if you don't have a cat - they're just that good-looking. Besides, cats happen. They happened to me.
Day Six: Vintage movie posters from Rialto Movie Art [6]. Honey, if you're reading this, I'll take any poster from a pre-1964 Alfred Hitchcock picture (except "Psycho"), anything from Stanley Kubrick's oeuvre (with the exception of "Eyes Wide Shut") and anything from Russ Meyer (no exceptions).
Day Seven: A subscription to seattle (sound) magazine [7] (sic). Usually music-themed magazines don't agree with me – but the local focus of this well-written publication, coupled with its nightlife and arts coverage, has won me over. I'll look forward to seeing seattle (sound) in my mailbox, though I wish they'd use the damn shift key.
Day Eight: Theo Chocolates [8]. These premium organic chocolates – made in Fremont, inside the former Redhook Brewery building - are made with Fair Trade cocoa beans and other good stuff, and they taste like nothing you've ever enjoyed before. You can order these delicious gifts through the Theo Web site or at select local retailers such as Ravenna Third Place Books [8].
Day Nine: A collection of soaps from The Bathery [9]. This online boutique - run by Cassandra Lanning, a co-founder of Seattle's Urban Craft Uprising [10] - produces soaps that are not only kind to the skin but pleasing to the eye. Try the pyramid-shaped milk and honey bars, the pineapple-and-lemon-scented Chardonnay, or my favorite - the cedarwood-scented "Coffin on a Noose" bar. Hey, everybody's got to go soap-on-a-rope sometime.
Day 10: The "Off and On Broadway" DVD by the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players [11]. The former Seattle clan has apparently taken New York by storm with their eccentric piano-driven pop, lo-tech multimedia spectacle and what-have-you. The DVD features live performances, testimonials from the likes of David Cross and slice-of-life stories from indie rock's first nuclear family. It's available at Easy Street Records [11] and other distinguished retailers.
Day 11: The latest book by Seattle author Erik Larson [12], "Thunderstruck." Larson's previous book, "The Devil in the White City," was like nothing I'd read before - a fact-rich document of the making of Chicago's Columbian World Exposition set against the story of H.H. Holmes, a demonic serial killer who lured scores of innocents to their doom. Every word of "White City" is meticulously researched and absolutely true … and "Thunderstruck" looks to be another such literary journey, in which fact is far stranger than fiction. You'll find it at Elliot Bay Book Co. [12] and practically every other bookstore besides.
Day 12: It's been a long, arduous 12 days of unwrapping gifts, and that Skullstar sheet set [13], created by Sandy Glaze of Sin in Linen [14], is looking mighty inviting. These luxuriant, 230-thread count cotton sateen sheets are exactly as they sound – shiny black (or pink), and adorned with pretty stars and skulls. They're available at Bluebottle [14], Roq la Rue [14] and other locations around town; check the Web site [15] for details.
Now, if it's all the same to you I'm gonna catch some shuteye, and dream of what I'd like for my birthday in February. Honey, you have two months to plan.
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