Happening the week of Dec. 17-23

Monday: Hey, it ain't Christmas until someone is dismembered by supernatural beasts, right? Tonight at Chop Suey, enjoy a double bill of heart-warming, flesh-rending holiday entertainment: Bob Clark's sorority slash-fest "Black Christmas" and Joe Dante's creepy-cloying hybrid "Gremlins." [0] Fun facts: Clark would later make a genuinely beloved holiday classic in "A Christmas Story," and "Gremlins" writer Chris Columbus would go on to direct a number of family films ("Bicentennial Man," "Home Alone," "Mrs. Doubtfire") that are even scarier than "Gremlins" -- albeit in different and genuinely nauseating ways.

Tuesday: I hate to bust out the old cliché "it's two great tastes that taste great together," but in the case of "Land of the Sweets: The Burlesque Nutcracker" [0] -- opening a three-night run at the Triple Door this evening -- it's the tasty, tasty truth. In fact, two flavors may not be enough to cover this "spectacle of ecdysiastic pageantry," featuring a veritable galaxy of local burlesque stars -- including Miss Indigo Blue, Kitten La Rue, The Swedish Housewife, Babette La Fave, Waxie Moon, Lily Verlaine, Wes: A Name You Can Trust and the Aerialistas -- performing a swingin' version of Tchaikovsky's timeless ballet. Two flavors? Two hundred million billion is more like it. Jasper McCann hosts this utterly magnificent holiday hoo-ha.

Also: The touring version of ABC's hit show "Dancing with the Stars" [0] opens tonight at KeyArena, with hoofin' by Sabrina Bryan, Joey Lawrence, Monique Coleman, Wayne Newton, Brian Fortuna, Drew Lachey and more. If that's not enough to sell you, the promoters have thrown in a live set by the Wayne, danke schoen.

Wednesday: Tuesday through Saturday this week, local hip-hop powerhouse Blue Scholars [0] -- creators of one of my favorite records of 2007 [0], the brilliant "Bayani" -- is holding court at Neumos, playing with a different lineup of top-shelf acts every night. Every damn night of their five-night stand [0] looks like a must-see, but tonight the Scholars' Sabzi pulls double duty working the decks for Common Market. Can the savvy DJ take the pressure of back-to-back sets? (Of course he can, but let's pretend, just for a moment, that we're not sure.) D. Black, Sleep and Can-U round out this excellent bill.

Thursday: Blake Lewis [0] did "American Idol" right. He didn't dilute or alter his style, he took chances with the material even when it earned him the ire of that mean British guy, and he didn't forsake his hometown roots or forget the talented Seattle musicians who helped him to forge his musical identity. The beat-boxing wunderkind celebrates the release of his debut album, "A.D.D. (Audio Day Dream)," tonight at the Showbox at the Market, with support from Mob Law and Doxology. Let's make the kid feel welcome, and resist the urge to yell out: "I voted for Jordin Sparks!" You know it’s not true.

Friday: Straight outta Russia (by way of Venice Beach, Calif.) come surf/garage rockers the Red Elvises [0], as perfect a party band as you're likely to find in this age of uncertainty. How many bands can say that they've got a bass balalaika player? Or that they made their film debut in a Buddy Holly-inspired post-apocalyptic kung fu flick? [1] Just one, and they'll be at the Tractor tonight. Dress to shimmy, shake and sweat.

Also: Nicolas Cage, Justin Bartha and Diane Kruger star in "National Treasure: Book of Secrets," [2] a sequel to the surprise 2004 blockbuster hit. It won't be Oscar material, but my girlfriend and I love the first movie -- it's the equivalent of comfort food -- and she's got a crush on Bartha's supernerdy Riley Poole, so we'll be there. Also opening tonight is "Sweeney Todd," [3] Tim Burton's adaptation of the Stephen Sondheim musical, starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman. Come to think of it, my girlfriend has a crush on Rickman, too. Sigh.

Saturday: I would load this blurb for "Exorcist: the Musical" [3] with quotes from the 1973 film upon which the stage version is based, but that's much too vulgar a display of power. Instead, I will confine my commentary to the facts: The show is produced by Bad Actor Productions, the crew that brought you the cruise ship-themed romp "Desperate Liaisons"; it's being staged in the Rendezvous' cozy Jewel Box Theater; it stars Josh Hartvigson, Aaron Allshouse and Andy Justus; and it's rife with la plume de ma tante.

Sunday: There are funny blokes, and then there's Harry Shearer. The radio host, author, "Simpsons" mainstay and part-time member of Spinal Tap is a true-blue humorist in the tradition of Will Rogers and Samuel Clemens, and when he co-hosts a "Holiday Sing-Along" [4] -- as he's doing tonight at the Triple Door with his wife, singer-songwriter Judith Owen -- it's safe to assume that you're going to laugh as if you've slammed down a nitrous-oxide eggnog.

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