No, this is not referring to your girlfriend or any girls you know. "High Maintenance Bitch" ($14.95, Sasquatch, 2006) is a new book about girl's best friend written by sister and brother Lori Pacchiano and Ryan Pacchiano.

It all started with Lori's beloved little Boston Terrier bitch, Lola. One evening, when Lori's only distraction and date was Lola, she unleashed her creative nature and made the pooch a sexy feather boa. That was the beginning of High Maintenance Bitch, a fancy, over-the-top line of doggie accoutrements. Dogs who beg for fashionable accessories can now find everything they need, including affordable "Poochie Purses" filled with toys. Gifts also include jewelry, pillows and even a $900 handmade silk-and-faux-fur doggie kimono.

Lori and Ryan's products have appeared all over the nation. Paris Hilton's little bitch Tinkerbell sparkles in HMB's Doggie Disco Diamond jewelry, and pampered pooches parade in stylish doggie gear on shows like "The View," "Access Hollywood," and "Tyra."

With all the attention and couture showered on Lola, a book about being a high maintenance bitch was essential. People need to know how to raise, tame, treat and pamper a canine princess in training. The book packs loads of information and tips in chapters such as "Care and Feeding of Your Bitch" and "Dating, Mating and Salivating." It's filled with amusing sexual innuendo and double entendres that will keep you smiling, and reading. In the section "She's a Bad Girl" she may exhibit "trashy behavior" — this is, in fact, raiding the garbage can, followed by solutions. The "Bitch about Town" chapter includes a section on "Whining and Dining," with suggestions on what to feed her at restaurants-a California roll with cooked salmon is recommended when indulging in sushi. The book features saucy illustrations of girls and their bitches, all drawn by Lori.

I wish I had this book 10 years ago when my precious pug Sophie was a young bitch-I would have learned to treat her in the pampered manner she deserves from the beginning. But it's never too late to start. She's by my side right now on a bench I bought for my office so we could sit together comfortably, a hot pink HMB feather boa around her neck.

"High Maintenance Bitch" - the book — is available at all major bookstores. HMB products are available online and also at the High Maintenance Bitch store in Lynnwood.

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