Look, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a 12-year-old, so I'm just going to blurt it out: Woodland Park Zoo is once again selling poop by the gallon. "Zoo Doo" is, according to the Zoo's doody-heads, a "fully composted blend of animal manures mixed with straw bedding, grass, leaves and wood chips," and if anything will help your garden to grow, it's a compost of foliage and elephant excrement. ("Zoo Doo" may also contain scats from ponies, hippos, zebras, giraffes and tapirs, but it's the elephants that do most of the heavy lifting ... er, dropping.)

Seriously, this stuff is great for soil (it improves the soil's texture and is loaded with nutrients), which makes it a perfect gift for the gardeners on your list. Plus, "Holidoo" purchases help support the zoo's animal care, education programs and conservation efforts. This special-edition "Holidoo" (how can I possibly improve upon that?) is available in two- and four-gallon buckets ($12.95-$19.95), or in pints "for stocking stuffers" ($4.95). I'm not sure if that's better or worse than a lump of coal.

"Zoo Doo" is available at Woodland Park's Zoo store during regular zoo hours. Just tell the parking attendant that you're shopping at the store (near the south entrance) and you won't have to pay admission. You don't necessarily have to tell the attendant what you're buying, but you probably will anyway.

For more Holidoo information, call the Poop Line at 206-625-POOP.

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